Faith and Sexuality--and the weekend

I had a fabulous weekend. I spent the whole weekend...Friday night to Sunday evening....work, work, work, laugh! laugh! sing....work, work work work work, eat. Rest. Repeat!

It was the K-1 and 4-6 Our Whole Lives training. And it ROCKED!

What a treat to have Steve Caldwell from the Liberal Faith Development blog as a trainer. So much fun to spend the weekend with a fellow blogger, and a fine Religious Educator.

Now, my family and I are enjoying a lovely dinner, delivered to me today "care package style" by our wonderful student minister.

It was a great day, and a great training, and it all just leads to this great life.

My great life.

Oh NO! It's over.

UU & Me is ending. That colorful little section, packed full of fantastic resources, in the middle of the UU World, is not coming again after this issue. Oh what a loss. What seems like a little thing that is really a very big loss.

I was a young mother attending a "Raising UU Kids" class because even though I'd been raised UU, I needed help in the very, very Christian world I moved in through most of my days. Our Religious Educator had a sample of a magazine for us, the parents taking that class. I think if seven of us would subscribe to the magazine, one could get it for free, or if we had a child under seven we could get it for free, or if we danced seven times around the table we could get it for free....no, I don't think that was it. But somehow you could get a deal on the magazine. I remember saying "I'll just buy it! I need it! My kids need it! We UUs need it to be there, I can support it!" UU & Me, back when it was even a stand alone magazine.

For a few years I think my mother actually gave it as a gift to my kids. I remember sitting on the floor of my kids' bedroom reading stories from UU & Me. It was a great magazine. I remember the stories about Raychel. I remember the time they talked about how we say "and service is our prayer" at the beginning of the service, and my church didn't--but then I moved here and we did. It remember hearing it and thinking "Oh! Just like in UU & Me! Cool!"

When I became a Religious Educator, I bought compiations of UU & Me for our Stories for All Ages in my congregation. Just this week, I pulled up old issues to help me plan a fun game day for this Sunday. Just this week. Just a few days ago. Now it's going away.

Last year the lovely editor of UU & Me, Betsy Williams, put out a call for events that churches do that kids love, and I responded. I called in a youth to take pictures and our Un-Birthday Party was featured. Right in UU & Me. Wow. When it came out I held up the copy of UU World and UU & Me for our congregation to see. They applauded! I was deeply honored to be a part of something that was such a part of me.

I know times are tough. I know we need to pinch the pennies and squeeze the belts and make due with less. I know. I do. But.....

ouch.

I will miss you UU & Me. We all will. A lot. Good work, Betsy and all of you who made it happen. It was a wonderful resource for many, many families for years. You made a real difference in my life and the lives of lots of us; the UU parents out on the front lines.

ouch.

Ten Real Things You Can Do About the Flu:

Our young ones are being greeted at school with people in masks, squirting 'hanitizer' on their hands, they're hearing about a dangerous illness that has something to do with swine--aren't those pigs? Their parents are making them wash their hands ALL the time. Clearly, something is up.

A friend shared a story from her childhood, her mother told her that the croaking out in the pond was coming from frogs.....and my friend was convinced that it was one really huge frog out there in the pond making all that noise. She was terrified! What we adults see as facts and precautions can be scary for our young ones.

How can we help our young ones feel safe? How do we walk the line, not inciting fear but acknowledging feelings?

Here's a start:

1) Teach your child how to wash their hands to get the most germs off: lots of soap, warm water, and rubbing the suds on your hands for as long as it takes to sing the ABCs. (My grandmother used to say make the suds so thick it looks like white kitten paws.)

2) Do you have a family emergency plan? Use this as a good excuse to make that plan. Taking action empowers us and a confident parent helps a child feel safe.

3) Keep family routines as constant as possible. Don't have family routines and rituals? Create some!

4) Be informed! Check out the CDC website and your local Health Department website.

5) Listen. Play with your kids whether that means play-doh or X-Box, spend time together and listen for clues to what's going on with their inner lives.

6) Laugh. Watch funny movies, play Mad Libs, buy silly string. Laughter relieves stress.

5) Talk. Get support from friends and family and your faith home if you are having big fears about a pandemic.

6) Make it fun. Watch this video, play dracula sneeze or sneeze-in-your-shirt!

7) For older kids, try this comic book about pandemic flu.

8) Buy cool tissue holders and send kids out the door with a couple of loose tissues tucked into pockets.

9) ....and you can make funky 'hanitizer' bottles, too. (thanks Little Birdie Secrets!)

10) And the most important thing? Hold your kids close, or as close as those teenagers will let you and let them know that we adults will do everything we can to keep them safe!


(Cross posted at Westside UU Congregation Religious Education)

A Good Book

A friend from church gave me this lovely little gift yesterday.

She told me to tuck it away until the right time, but it was the perfect time right away, I miss my dear dog down to my toenails, so thinking about her isn't an issue. I already am.

If you know someone who has a dear dog friend at the end of their life, this is a wonderful gift to give them. It tells the story of the end, from the dog's view.

Yesterday at church we had the "make-up" solstice play from the missed solstice service. It was wonderful, huge turn out of children AND adults to play animals. And yes the dog costumes did bring tears to my eyes, but smiles to my lips, too.

How to Help Kids Cope

When I was a little girl I told my dad that if he weren't my father, then I'd want Mr. Rogers to be my daddy. I had an autographed picture of him on my bedroom door. This article from PBS Kids might be a resource for us in helping our kids deal with the horrible tragedy in our UU family right now.

During his lifetime, Fred Rogers reassuring way of helping families with difficult times, beginning with his response to Robert Kennedy's assassination. Over the years since then, there have, unfortunately, been other tragic events during which parents and educators turned to him for his calming and thoughtful insight. Fred Rogers' wisdom is timeless, and his messages continue to be valuable for children and the people who care for them, as we deal with the events of today's world.

In times of community or world-wide crisis, it's easy to assume that young children don't know what's going on. But one thing's for sure, children are very sensitive to how their parents feel. They're keenly aware of the expressions on their parents' faces and the tone of their voices. Children sense when their parents are really worried, whether they're watching the news or talking about it with others. No matter what children know about a crisis, it's especially scary for them to realize that their parents are scared.

WHO WILL TAKE CARE OF ME?

In times of crisis, children want to know, "Who will take care of me?" They're dependent on adults for their survival and security. They're naturally self-centered. They need to hear very clearly that their parents are doing all they can to take care of them and to keep them safe. They also need to know that people in the government, in their community and in the world, and other people they don't even know, are working hard to keep them safe, too.

HELPING CHILDREN FEEL MORE SECURE

Play is one of the important ways young children have of dealing with their concerns. But, even playing about the news can be scary and sometimes unsafe. So adults need to be nearby to redirect that kind of play into nurturing themes, such as a hospital for the wounded or a pretend meal for emergency workers. When children are scared and anxious, they might become more dependent, clingy, and afraid to go to bed at night. Whining, aggressive behavior, or toilet accidents may be their way of asking for more comfort from the important adults in their lives. Little by little, as we adults around them become more confident, hopeful and secure, our children probably will, too.

SCARY, CONFUSING IMAGES

The way that news is presented on television can be quite confusing for a young child. The younger the children are, the more likely they are to be interested in the typical news scenes of close-up faces, particularly if the people are expressing strong feelings. When there's tragic news, the images on TV are most often much too graphic and too disturbing for young children.

LIMIT YOUR OWN TV VIEWING

It's easy to allow ourselves to get drawn into watching televised news of a crisis for hours and hours; however, exposing ourselves to so many tragedies can make us feel hopeless, insecure, and even depressed, feelings that even young children can sense. We help our children-and ourselves-if we're able to limit our own television viewing. Our children need us to spend time with them-away from the frightening images on the screen.

TALKING AND LISTENING

Even if we wanted to, it would be impossible to give our children all the reasons for such things as war, terrorists, abuse, murders, fires, hurricanes, and earthquakes. If they ask questions, our best answer may be to ask them, "What do you think happened?" If the answer is, "I don't know," then the simplest reply might be something like, "I'm sad about the news, and I'm worried. But I love you, and I'll take care of you."

If we don't let children know it's okay to feel sad and scared, they may try to hide those feelings or think something is wrong with them whenever they do feel that way. They certainly don't need details of what's making us sad or scared, but if we can help them accept their own feelings as natural and normal, their feelings will be much more manageable for them.

Fred Rogers often told this story about when he was a boy and would see scary things on the news: "My mother would say to me, 'Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping.' To this day, especially in times of 'disaster,' I remember my mother's words, and I am always comforted by realizing that there are still so many helpers-so many caring people in this world."

HELPFUL HINTS

• Do your best to keep the television off, or at least limit how much your child sees of any news event.
• Try to keep yourself calm. Your presence can help your child feel more secure.
• Give your child extra comfort and physical affection, like hugs or snuggling up together with a favorite book. Physical comfort goes a long way towards providing security. That closeness can nourish you, too.
• Try to keep regular routines as normal as possible. Children and adults count on familiar patterns of everyday life.
• Plan something that you and your child can enjoy together, like taking a walk or going on a picnic, having some quiet time together or doing something silly. It can help to know there are simple things in life that can help us feel better, both in good times and in bad.
• Even if children don't mention what they've seen or heard in the news, it can help to ask what they think has happened. If parents don't bring up the subject, children can be left with their misinterpretations. You may be surprised at how much your child has heard from others.
• Focus attention on the helpers, like the police, firemen, doctors, nurses, paramedics and volunteers. It's reassuring to know there are many caring people who are doing all they can to help in this world.
• Let your child know if you're making a donation or going to a meeting, writing a letter or e-mail of support, or taking some other action. It can help children know that adults take many different active roles...and that we don't give in to helplessness in time of crisis.

©2005 Family Communications, Inc.