I suppose I should feel grateful that I'm healthy and my family is well. That we're employed and we love each other and that we have a little dog who is a little neurotic, but who loves us.
But I'm not. I'm not grateful. I'm pissed.
People should not get sick. Life should not take a turn for the worse and cancer sucks.
Things that feel solid and regular--pieces of life that have finally smoothed out should not get ripped right out from under your feet.
I feel like the cartoon character who runs off the cliff. The ground is suddenly gone.
But my solid ground is not gone. It's right there. This is not free falling. This is just a lousy bounce of life for someone I really care about-- for someone who has had an enormous influence on the lives of my sons. It's not my issue to rail against.
I will write meaningful notes of thanks, make a nice dish to pass for the hastily planned and low key "good-bye" lunch. I'll smile and blink back tears. I know it's just the way things go. I know. And really, who knows what gifts are hidden in the manure pond of this lousy thing called cancer?
There are often gifts.
I pray that there are gifts.