Yesterday our family went to a AAAW (Adult Asian Adoptees of Washington) picnic. Our teenage boys got to hang out with the other teenagers they know from KIDS camp. My husband got to see what he always refers to as "the guys"; a group of over thirty-year-old men that hangs out at the montly gatherings at the bar and talks cars and jobs and guy stuff. The little dog got to meet some nice dog friends and some of her favorite creatures; small children. And I got to sit with another white wife of an adoptee. Wasn't it just one week ago I got to email with my first KADWW(Korean Adoptee white wife)?
We found ourselves at a picnic table overlooking the beautiful sound with a group of "first wave" adoptees. These were people in their 50s who were adopted all of them from Korea early on in the transracial adoption wave. My husband, at 42, is usually the oldest person at these adoptee gatherings. So, for me it was really great to hear their stories. I've mentioned before that it seems that the adoptee community is so hungry for time together, that often the spouses are not invited. I try to think of it like someone bringing their husband to a "Girl's Night Out"; the conversation at the table is just different when there is a guy at the table. It's the same thing, I am guessing, for the adult adoptees; they have to be a little careful, a little guarded when we're there.
So, being invited to this picnic was wonderful for me, the white one. And sitting for a couple of hours with another white wife was wonderful. This couple has had a different experience than we have, they've lived all over the world, including six year in Korea, and they don't seem to have had some of the other identity stuff impact their marriage like it impacted ours. But it was still wonderful. Her husband is hapa, so her children, while grown now, are even fairer than mine, which is saying a lot since I'm half Norwegian which aparently trumps any melanin, sorry kids. But it was still powerful for me to sit in a space with a woman who shares a connection like this. I'm so thankful.
Then, I found this blog with a post called "Emergency Code Whitey" oh my gosh. I spit coffee all over, laughing out loud. This is how I feel, write it sistah!
I'm walking around my house, pumping my fist in the air yelling "SCORE"! You just never know, ya know? You just never know.