The Dreaded.....LEGGINGS!

OK, I actually laughed out loud at this post by the dear and dedicated PeaceBang about......leggings.

I mean. Come on! Leggings! Who the heck cares if people are rocking the REI style and wearing leggings with their casual and funky dresses during the summer months (apparently--forbidden by the goddess of goodness in dress for clergy and others everywhere) who cares?

Not me!

Well, I do. I don't want to be forbidden to do anything. ANYTHING! Especially by an illustrious "Rev. Dr."--you know--two sets of letters in front of anyone's name kind of brings out the rebel in me.  Tell me not to?? Well, I might just cancel my Ann Taylor order for clothes for GA and replace it with an lovely little trip to the local REI. (where, it just so happens, my dear middle son who is only 16 works--they don't hire people his age, but that's just the kind of kid he is....yes that was bragging, oh go jump in a lake if it bothers you!)

I mean, let's quote our dear Ms. PeaceBang here...."If I see you in these I will fall to the floor and roll around with my tongue lolling out like some medieval poisoned monarch."


That sounds like a challenge. A challenge I just might take. But there's more. Isn't there always more?

This actually brings to mind a significant difference I've discerned in the coasts. I grew up smack in the middle of the continent as a Secular Humanist UU--and in the past 30 some years I've grown into a warm and fuzzy West Coast liberal who says "God" sometimes wears a suit to lead worship--sometimes with just the right fashion accessories, and sometimes (GASP) without. But as a friend at a local congregation just experienced--we don't necessarily fit PB's rules. We're different when it comes to other rules, too. One dear person I know who is looking for work on the East Coast and is striking out, could probably--no easily, find work out here on the West Coast--we're just more open and friendly and relaxed and accepting. It's different.

I like it a whole lot better. Here we have real freedom to believe as we are called to believe, to worship in ways that we are called to worship (as my colleagues who asked this week when the walked thru the new lovely sanctuary of my church--yes! we DO use the drum set almost every week!) and to....

wear what we wish to wear!

But still, not without a really long tunic or a dress, that much I'm buying completely. Yes.

Here's where to find the best "left coast" look around http://www.rei.com/. And if you come to GA and you deign to wear  l e g g i n g s--find me! We'll make a down right scene out of the thing!






And remember.....it's June and we STILL have highs in the 50s out here some days. It's different. Really different. Don't judge til you come out here and spend some real time. We NEED leggings to pretend it's summer and keep us warm!


Happy Friday, all! And bright blessings for all things good-- and free and cool ankles.

Dear Rev. Morales,

Now I know that Rev. Dr. Peter Morales is a good guy. Not only does he understand deeply the position our faith is in right now to either grow or fade away, but he's actually a warm, kind friendly man. He really is a good guy.

But one little tiny thing he said to us when he was with my congregation a few weeks ago just rankled me. I'm not going to remember the exact wording but it was something about how as a movement our religious education programs had made the mistake of focusing on teaching children about being Unitarian Universalists and not giving them the experience of faith.

I wake up in the middle of the night and that little exchange sticks in my mind. What? Really? Would we say that across the movement all of our worship committees are focusing too much on spiritual development of Buddhism or the sermon topics are all too humanist?

Rev. Morales did say that in the church he served before he became the president of the UUA they had tried to have multi generational worship services, but that in tracking attendance and listening to feedback, they could see that these services were unpopular and not well attended by families with children.

So, in an effort to let go of this little sticking point, I am writing a little letter to Rev. Morales. It's something more a kin to a family discussion that happens over coffee after dinner. And maybe there's even pie for dessert. I'm not angry, I just want Peter to understand that the little things he says get picked up by lots of people and they show that little thing to each other and say "well see what the UUA president said?" "Hmmmmm, I DO see that" Be careful, Peter! And remember that whatever you see as our future as a movement, it's already happening out there in churches across the continent.

Dear Rev. Morales,

Just wanted to drop you a note on the topic we chatted about at WSUU a few weeks ago: faith development in our RE programs. I don't think this is true for my church. And here's why:

This week at Westside we're having our regular monthly Chalice Chapel and Service Sunday. This month's focus is on UUSC.

Our children begin worship in the sanctuary with the adults each week, and on the second Sunday they all come straight downstairs to a children's worship that we call "Chalice Chapel". This week we'll enter a darkened space with an altar and a chalice. When we're all sitting in a big circle we'll begin our chant "Gathered here in the mystery of the hour, gathered here in one strong body, gathered here in the struggle and the power, spirit draw near". We all know the words, we all know the hand motions. We know how to sing it, how to whisper it and how to beat the floor hard with a heartbeat rhythm and to yell it loud. Then we'll invite the children into prayer "we breathe in peace, we breathe out love" The children know body prayers, chants, hymns and how to listen to their quiet inner voice.

We will talk a little during our Chalice Chapel about how we are called, as Unitarian Universalists of faith, to work for peace in the world, and that really--peace comes from justice. But then we'll close by singing Rev. Meg Barnhouse's "All Will Be Well". The whole service will take about 7 minutes. Then we will move to our stations of work, the "Service is our prayer" work.

This week we'll make a huge heart with one of our favorite elders and during coffee hour we'll invite the adults to add sticky notes that tell how they are "Standing on the Side of Love". There will be a station for some kids to assemble the boxes for the Guest at Your Table kick off. We'll have a station to make a physical "guest at your table" so we can all visualize the person we're imagining hosting for the next month. We'll have a game to show how hard it is to move water from one spot to the next without spilling it. And we'll have a station showing the videos on youtube that UUSC has posted about human rights. The best thing about these stations is that at each an adult engages with the children who are ages 4-14. There's no formal lesson, but we all learn together.

So, it's not perfect. No. Sometimes kids run around a little. Sometimes people talk about their week instead of water rights. But it's a good thing. Our children all learn how we worship, they learn about what we believe and they get to put those beliefs into action. It makes our faith formation dynamic and real. I have fun. They have fun. We all laugh together. There have been Chalice Chapels, like the pet blessing last October that let us all cry together. We are a community.

Now, during the five services a year when we're all together; all the baby boomers and the millennials and the silent generation and the gen x-ers and the toddlers and the teens and tweens and the elders and the preschoolers, during those services we are finding that we like worshiping together. We're still learning, we've learned that a plastic cup full of legos might be fun, but it's too loud for worship. We've learned that we have to be careful about meeting everyone's needs. But we've learned that part of meeting everyone's needs is to sometimes sit quietly while another group is the focus for a few minutes. And what meets our needs is not always what you'd expect.

So, Rev. Morales, remember that when we talk about Unitarian Universalists we can almost never say "All". All Religious Education programs are not focusing on education alone. Just like you could never say "All ministers are preaching about...." or "All music leaders are forgetting to...." We who work with the children and youth and families are doing so much more than just cranking through lessons. It's happening all over the movement, this dynamic faith formation. And it's really working.

So hey, thanks for stepping up and being our president. I know you get all kinds of passionate people just like me who take issue with one little thing you say. I know one of the people who I eat dinner with every night is not happy with your thoughts about youth and the "hanging out" article. But we appreciate your passion for this faith and we hope that you appreciate ours, too. Together we can be the faith we are meant to be. Thanks. Really, thanks.

Blessings!

Kari

A little advice for parents about church

A very little bit, OK? Not a big chunk of advice. More like a chocolate chip sized morsel.

Go to church because you want to go to church. Find a church that meets your spiritual needs and feeds your spirit.

Find a place with sermons that lift you right out of your seat, and music that makes you soar. Go where "your people" are, whoever they are (political? social? cause? whatever...), and where you feel "I'M HOME" as the closing hymn rolls.

If you come to church because you think you "should" or because your kids "need" religious education, you'll just feel that church is one more parenting chore you have to knock off your list.

And that's teaching your kids something other than how to really "do" church.

This time of year we get a lot of "stealth" visits to our church. Someone, sometimes a man but often a woman will stop by the Family Ministry table or a church leader will walk up to me and introduce a lone visitor. I get a couple of questions and sometimes, if I feel a nice affinity I say

"So is this your stealth visit?"

Usually they chuckle "Yeah, I'm here checking it out. I don't want to drag my kids to a lot of churches."

YES! Do this! I totally agree! See if this is a good church for your family!

But when you're deciding, don't forget one really important family member: YOU!

Visit, research, check out all the programming for kids. See if the church is serious about serving families. Read all the materials you can find on the website, in the hand outs, from the classes. But if the services leave you cold? Your kids are going to feel that church is one more thing that you do FOR them.

The truth is that church is really best when it's done in community; when we come together to talk about the big questions and wonder about what the answers might be, together. Children, adults, teens, elders, leaders--ALL of us.

When people make their "stealth" visit to our church I tell them about the other communities around. I say "if you need more 'God' try one of the three UCC churches in our area" and "if you really want a larger UU church there are two big ones pretty close by...."

I mention that we're a community who really cares about each other but we also ask a lot of each person. There aren't very many of us, usually you have to pull a little more than your own weight.

So, parents: come, visit, see if a church feels like a good fit for all of you. And remember that you count, too.

I hope you'll come visit my church, and pick up our materials, and find that you really are home.

And then I hope you'll check off about 25 boxes on your volunteer interest form! Because we have got a huge, amazing and smokin' program going and holy mother of all cows we cannot do this without some amazing help!

Or you know....maybe you'll do this at your local UU congregation. It's all good!

The First Sunday

OK, well it's not really the very first Sunday ever. And it's not like I work for a congregation in the far north who doesn't meet all summer, because you really must make the most of every day of the summer in the far north. We've been meeting all summer, all along, there's not a real break. But still, it was the first Sunday.

Today was the first official Sunday of the 2009-2010 year in children's ministry at the congregation I serve. And it make sense that we wait to launch the real-deal programs until after Labor Day; we had a huge crowd! There were more children and youth at church today than we've ever had before. We held our first Water Communion service, just with the children. And we did a beautiful Story for All Ages using the book "Water Dance".

I am deeply blessed to have work I love, with children that I absolutely adore, and colleagues who are marvelous. I had three meetings after church, left my house at 7:30 AM and finished my meetings at 8 PM. Even for an extrovert, that's a lot! Then I went to a friend's birthday party.

But I'm still smiling. Tired. OK, exhausted, but happy to be doing what I do, with the people who share the space and time with me. We create beautiful stuff right there in the old Masonic Temple. It's good.

After our Water Communion, our kids made chalices, walked a labryinth, and ate a good soup lunch together. It's such good, and real stuff. Such a wonderful thing, this community. I am deeply blessed to be right here in this very moment of time. Deeply blessed.

And....

I am going to bed!

Blessings to All!

cupcakes at the board meeting

My dear friend Barbara Cornell used to say that everyone has baggage but what happens at church is that people bring their baggage...and they unpack.

Our spirit so close to emotion tied up in identity makes for a place ripe for rough edges and conflict.

I am wildly fortunate to serve a church who knows this deeply. I spent Saturday at a Committee on Ministry workshop focused on conflict.

The first amazing thing about that is that they thought to invite me. Of course the Religious Educator should be invited, but I am sure many folks wouldn't even think of it. The next amazing thing is that our Committee on Ministry has evolved into a Compassionate Communication Committee, thanks to the inspiration and guidance of that same Barbara Cornell who was our student minister last year, and they understand deeply that conflict is good and can be healing and help us grow. One more amazing thing? There were eight of us from our congregation there. I think even more folks than the hosting church.

Church life is messy. Sometimes things that are said to me hurt me deeply, they make me cry. Sometimes I feel used and abused and like the maid and butler rolled into one; taken for granted, dismissed. Sometimes I think if I have to clean that multipurpose room one more time I will scream. But I know that this is just part of the deal. This is part of being in a mature, healthy, loving church and serving them. It's kind of like my 20 year-old marriage, it has it's trouble, but it's sacred light brings me deep contentment. Sometimes I am the oaf crashing through and causing trouble, and sometimes I'm the firefly, light and happy.

We value each other. We are committed to forgive and to begin again in love. They are simply amazing people.

I feel deeply blessed to serve a congregation who holds board meetings with cupcakes. And laughter. And love.

Going Deeper

I love reading Doug Muder, if I knew how to make one of those facebook fan pages, I would make one for him. Funny, whip smart and his writing always just makes me stop dead in my tracks and THINK about things.

His latest blog post and article both deal with UU Lay ministry and "going deeper" as Unitarian Universalists.

Good stuff, it's important that we support our leaders and there seems to have been a lot of focus on ordained clergy in recent years. Or maybe that's just the non-ordained person persepctive. And to lead well I think you have to have a deep faith that guides your life. That depth doesn't just come to you during committee meetings and three hour classes.


Here's my issue. What seems to be the standard path to Unitarian Universalism in the discussion both with Mr. Muder and other bloggers is the understanding that all people come to this faith from someplace else, from another faith or from an unchurched life.

I found Unitarian Universalism when my parents took me to church on Sundays, right there in our rickety old dusty basement RE classroom.

Yes, it was a radically independent Fellowship in every sense of the world fellowship. No minister, political speakers, and radical hospitatlity that wrapped it's arms around all who walked through the door.

I grew up Unitarian Universalist. So did Peacebang. So did many of the younger adults in leadership at the UUA and across the continent.

What do we need to help us go "deeper" in our Unitarian Unversalsit faith?

Well, it's true, many of us grew up in small fellowships in the middle of the fellowship movement. We didn't learn anything about Unitarian or Universalist history. Our education of holy texts was more like a high school class than a theological reflection of sacred writings. Bible references in popular culture fell short on us, because we had no idea what happened in the bible. I remember spending a year learning about Islam just at the time when the first principles must have been in discussion, but we heard nothing about what our faith was doing.

So we do have a need to go deeper, we have great value in lay ministry because we understand our UU identity in a deep, familiial way. Many of the new families who visit my church have one parent who grew up UU. We can laugh about the filmstrips we saw in RE when we were kids, we chat about our lack of bible knowledge. But we understand being UU down to our toes the minute we walk in. I've changed my opening questions to families. I no longer ask "are you searching for a church home?" instead I ask "are you UUs looking for a home or are you seekers looking for a church home?". So often now, I hear "well, I grew-up UU and now I've got a child and I want to raise them as a Unitarian Universalist.

How can we be best served? We lifers? What will help us go deeper? That, I am not at all sure about.