Avoiding Decline and slippery hills.

I'll admit to being a ginormous fan of the Rev. Christine Robinson. Once when I was working at the greeter table greeting people at my little church on the hill, some folks mentioned that they were visiting from First Unitarian in Albuquerque and I think I actually scared them with my gushing praise for their senior minister. Brilliant writing, fabulous, warm, insightful and a wonderful web presence, too.

The Rev. Robinson's article in the winter edition of the UU World, "Risk Blessing" had me nodding at my computer this morning. Yep, yep. Uh huh. Oh yeah.

I hear the call "avoiding decline"--it's not even really about growth, just avoiding decline! In the little church on the hill that I serve, more than once our RE team has waved a white flag and called "UNCLE" because we've grown so fast. Last year we had to add not one but two age group classes. We grew something like 30 kids in just a few months. This was nothing new--really, yes, we're competing with the given day for birthday parties (why, Sunday morning of course) soccer games, swim meets, Girl Scouts and yes.... a quiet family morning just hanging out in jammies---but our RE Program has been on super charged vitamin fueled chalice water for six years.

Until this year. We had braced for more big growth, we had a plan in our back pocket of a class for active kids that would actually go down to the wooded park near by every Sunday when these current classes busted out, because unless we pitch a tent in the parking lot, there is no more space for us to hold classes (and yes, when we rented space we DID have preschool class in a tent, it's kinda fun). We trained our teacher teams about how to deal with crowds. We prepped our congregation that two services were inevitable, and soon.

But--no go. Last years "new folks" are not coming back. Yes, we're getting the regular influx of visitors who fall in love and join three committees and the choir. We've got the same kids who were born to us and we've known since they were just a wish, or maybe a little older. But that old-new group is not coming back.

People who work with church kids know this group, they visit in the fall, in the Pacific Northwest, maybe you lose them for ski season, and then they are pretty regular for spring, fall off for summer and come back in the autumn with a gleam in their eye of "we're gonna do this church thing for real now...."

So, here we are, our little church on the hill, with a half decade long history of about 15 new kids every year, with-- a flat growth line. But you know, we really are on a big hill. There are signs that go out on icy days "Road Closed", because you will slide for a good half mile before you get to about sea level and stop. And that's what has me worried. Is there something slick out there that I'm missing? Why are people not sticking? What happened?

I'm not sure exactly how church goes every Sunday, I'm usually running the weekly RE half marathon up and down the three levels of our building, checking on classes, making frowny faces at kids who are throwing sculpy at each other, running for missing supplies. But I think we do the things Rev. Robinson thinks we should to stop declining. There is a deep spiritual energy and when I lead our services I sure feel it like a huge wave of loving spirit from the congregation--these folks are going deep. We have a happy population of folks like me who grew up UU and feel that hunger for ritual and spirit, and they seem to be getting fed.

But something is up. And maybe there's reason to look closely. Is it the classes? Curriculum? Or is it just that push-pull of the weekly rush of family life and the creep of the schedule into what used to be a Sabbath? What? I don't think these folks are afraid of change any more than any human, maybe weary after so much change.

Maybe I'll go out and see if someone has put signs up that say "Church Closed"....not real signs, but those secret signals that you can't see anymore after you've been a part of a group for a while, I guess they are real, but not in a wood and paint kind of way. "go away, you don't fit in here, go back to the Sunday morning paper and a nice, spiritual-but-not-religious life."

For now, we'll just enjoy manageable classes with great kids and a nice, long holiday break from the RE half marathon. Except, who was it that thought that three multi-gen services in a one month span was a good idea? Please!

Um, yeah. That was me.

Happy December!

The Dreaded.....LEGGINGS!

OK, I actually laughed out loud at this post by the dear and dedicated PeaceBang about......leggings.

I mean. Come on! Leggings! Who the heck cares if people are rocking the REI style and wearing leggings with their casual and funky dresses during the summer months (apparently--forbidden by the goddess of goodness in dress for clergy and others everywhere) who cares?

Not me!

Well, I do. I don't want to be forbidden to do anything. ANYTHING! Especially by an illustrious "Rev. Dr."--you know--two sets of letters in front of anyone's name kind of brings out the rebel in me.  Tell me not to?? Well, I might just cancel my Ann Taylor order for clothes for GA and replace it with an lovely little trip to the local REI. (where, it just so happens, my dear middle son who is only 16 works--they don't hire people his age, but that's just the kind of kid he is....yes that was bragging, oh go jump in a lake if it bothers you!)

I mean, let's quote our dear Ms. PeaceBang here...."If I see you in these I will fall to the floor and roll around with my tongue lolling out like some medieval poisoned monarch."


That sounds like a challenge. A challenge I just might take. But there's more. Isn't there always more?

This actually brings to mind a significant difference I've discerned in the coasts. I grew up smack in the middle of the continent as a Secular Humanist UU--and in the past 30 some years I've grown into a warm and fuzzy West Coast liberal who says "God" sometimes wears a suit to lead worship--sometimes with just the right fashion accessories, and sometimes (GASP) without. But as a friend at a local congregation just experienced--we don't necessarily fit PB's rules. We're different when it comes to other rules, too. One dear person I know who is looking for work on the East Coast and is striking out, could probably--no easily, find work out here on the West Coast--we're just more open and friendly and relaxed and accepting. It's different.

I like it a whole lot better. Here we have real freedom to believe as we are called to believe, to worship in ways that we are called to worship (as my colleagues who asked this week when the walked thru the new lovely sanctuary of my church--yes! we DO use the drum set almost every week!) and to....

wear what we wish to wear!

But still, not without a really long tunic or a dress, that much I'm buying completely. Yes.

Here's where to find the best "left coast" look around http://www.rei.com/. And if you come to GA and you deign to wear  l e g g i n g s--find me! We'll make a down right scene out of the thing!






And remember.....it's June and we STILL have highs in the 50s out here some days. It's different. Really different. Don't judge til you come out here and spend some real time. We NEED leggings to pretend it's summer and keep us warm!


Happy Friday, all! And bright blessings for all things good-- and free and cool ankles.

Dear Rev. Morales,

Now I know that Rev. Dr. Peter Morales is a good guy. Not only does he understand deeply the position our faith is in right now to either grow or fade away, but he's actually a warm, kind friendly man. He really is a good guy.

But one little tiny thing he said to us when he was with my congregation a few weeks ago just rankled me. I'm not going to remember the exact wording but it was something about how as a movement our religious education programs had made the mistake of focusing on teaching children about being Unitarian Universalists and not giving them the experience of faith.

I wake up in the middle of the night and that little exchange sticks in my mind. What? Really? Would we say that across the movement all of our worship committees are focusing too much on spiritual development of Buddhism or the sermon topics are all too humanist?

Rev. Morales did say that in the church he served before he became the president of the UUA they had tried to have multi generational worship services, but that in tracking attendance and listening to feedback, they could see that these services were unpopular and not well attended by families with children.

So, in an effort to let go of this little sticking point, I am writing a little letter to Rev. Morales. It's something more a kin to a family discussion that happens over coffee after dinner. And maybe there's even pie for dessert. I'm not angry, I just want Peter to understand that the little things he says get picked up by lots of people and they show that little thing to each other and say "well see what the UUA president said?" "Hmmmmm, I DO see that" Be careful, Peter! And remember that whatever you see as our future as a movement, it's already happening out there in churches across the continent.

Dear Rev. Morales,

Just wanted to drop you a note on the topic we chatted about at WSUU a few weeks ago: faith development in our RE programs. I don't think this is true for my church. And here's why:

This week at Westside we're having our regular monthly Chalice Chapel and Service Sunday. This month's focus is on UUSC.

Our children begin worship in the sanctuary with the adults each week, and on the second Sunday they all come straight downstairs to a children's worship that we call "Chalice Chapel". This week we'll enter a darkened space with an altar and a chalice. When we're all sitting in a big circle we'll begin our chant "Gathered here in the mystery of the hour, gathered here in one strong body, gathered here in the struggle and the power, spirit draw near". We all know the words, we all know the hand motions. We know how to sing it, how to whisper it and how to beat the floor hard with a heartbeat rhythm and to yell it loud. Then we'll invite the children into prayer "we breathe in peace, we breathe out love" The children know body prayers, chants, hymns and how to listen to their quiet inner voice.

We will talk a little during our Chalice Chapel about how we are called, as Unitarian Universalists of faith, to work for peace in the world, and that really--peace comes from justice. But then we'll close by singing Rev. Meg Barnhouse's "All Will Be Well". The whole service will take about 7 minutes. Then we will move to our stations of work, the "Service is our prayer" work.

This week we'll make a huge heart with one of our favorite elders and during coffee hour we'll invite the adults to add sticky notes that tell how they are "Standing on the Side of Love". There will be a station for some kids to assemble the boxes for the Guest at Your Table kick off. We'll have a station to make a physical "guest at your table" so we can all visualize the person we're imagining hosting for the next month. We'll have a game to show how hard it is to move water from one spot to the next without spilling it. And we'll have a station showing the videos on youtube that UUSC has posted about human rights. The best thing about these stations is that at each an adult engages with the children who are ages 4-14. There's no formal lesson, but we all learn together.

So, it's not perfect. No. Sometimes kids run around a little. Sometimes people talk about their week instead of water rights. But it's a good thing. Our children all learn how we worship, they learn about what we believe and they get to put those beliefs into action. It makes our faith formation dynamic and real. I have fun. They have fun. We all laugh together. There have been Chalice Chapels, like the pet blessing last October that let us all cry together. We are a community.

Now, during the five services a year when we're all together; all the baby boomers and the millennials and the silent generation and the gen x-ers and the toddlers and the teens and tweens and the elders and the preschoolers, during those services we are finding that we like worshiping together. We're still learning, we've learned that a plastic cup full of legos might be fun, but it's too loud for worship. We've learned that we have to be careful about meeting everyone's needs. But we've learned that part of meeting everyone's needs is to sometimes sit quietly while another group is the focus for a few minutes. And what meets our needs is not always what you'd expect.

So, Rev. Morales, remember that when we talk about Unitarian Universalists we can almost never say "All". All Religious Education programs are not focusing on education alone. Just like you could never say "All ministers are preaching about...." or "All music leaders are forgetting to...." We who work with the children and youth and families are doing so much more than just cranking through lessons. It's happening all over the movement, this dynamic faith formation. And it's really working.

So hey, thanks for stepping up and being our president. I know you get all kinds of passionate people just like me who take issue with one little thing you say. I know one of the people who I eat dinner with every night is not happy with your thoughts about youth and the "hanging out" article. But we appreciate your passion for this faith and we hope that you appreciate ours, too. Together we can be the faith we are meant to be. Thanks. Really, thanks.

Blessings!

Kari

Philocrites signs off

I got a follow request from Chris Walton, editor of the UU World, on twitter. Now...I think I am the most pitiful person at tweeting on the planet. If I could tie my facebook status update to twitter I'd be fine, I update that thing an embarrassing number of times every day, but that's too much technology for me to sort out. Old school here. Anyway, I shrugged "whatever". If Philocrites wants to hear about my little dog and my crazy job, that's his mental health issue.

Then I noticed other bloggers paying tribute to the Philocrites blog.

What?

Ending?

Really?

I'm reminded of Steve Caldwell and this thing he told me that is my new mantra: "Kill it before it dies". Good advice. Chris is wise to say "I'm moving on."

I started blogging here in the summer of 2008 after GA (importing the GA blogs I'd written in Ft Lauderdale for my little church-family blog). That must have been just about the time little Philo was born and Philocrites was pretty busy doing the good work of raising a child. I didn't see him being super active in the blog world. But it's a good choice because if you take your eye off the baby he'll do what mine did and learn to drive, turn 18 and for God's Sake-- go to college of all unthinkable things. You gotta watch like a hawk.

But I did read the Philocrites blog--old posts were new to me. And almost every time I finished a post I'd rush to go and delete my whole blog, I was completely unworthy. The intelligent, thoughtful and insightful posts Chris wrote were always like a full meal deal of a read. Powerful stuff.

In the UU Blogosphere we still have the consistent inspiration of Boston Unitarian. The lovely snark of Chalice Chick at The Chalice Blog. Peter Bowden's wicked enthusiasm at the UU Growth Blog. Lots of others, but nothing quite the same.

Thanks for the fabulous work, Philocrites. And thanks for leaving your blog up for us to read. You'll be sorely missed, and long revered.

Mr. Keillor and Silent Night

Oh, I am swearing off Peter Bowden's "UU Growth Blog" until after Christmas. It keeps sending me on these long tangents of excellent and thought provoking information. But come on! I've got a LREDA board conference call today! And a soup lunch at school! Not to mention a ton of presents to wrap and a trip to the post office to make and the little dog needs to be walked and I need to finish writing a piece of the pledge drive kick off!

Too much time!

Today he calls on Unitarian Universalists with formal credentials (he says ministers, but I'm sure he meant to say credentialed religious educators and credentialed music leaders, too) to comment on an article in Salon written by Garrison Keillor.

Yes, Mr. Keillor is again slamming Unitarians. I wonder if he's remembering Unitarians from his childhood 60 years ago back before the consolidation of Unitarian and Universalists? I don't think there's a congregation in Anoka, MN where he grew up, but who knows? I wish he'd at least do enough research to call us by our real name when he rants against us.

He writes "It's a Christian holiday, dammit, and it's plain wrong to rewrite "Silent Night." Unitarians, I'm talking to you!..... If you don't believe Jesus was God, OK, go write your own damn "Silent Night" and leave ours alone."

That's a very Christian sentiment. I can totally imagine Jesus saying that.

Or not.

I think what Mr. Keillor is feeling is that the way things were when HE grew up is the way things have always been and the way that they should stay and no changes should ever be made. But it's just not how Christmas works.

Whether you believe that Jesus is the savior and the true son of God, or you call Jesus the great teacher and try your very, very best every single day to live his teachings, or you think that when Jesus taught that he was the son of God what he was saying was that we are all children of God and we're all holy--whatever, you cannot deny that Christmas has evolved over the past 2,000 years.

If we Unitarian Universalists wish to celebrate the birth of a man some of us believe to be the son of God, some of us believe to be the great teacher and some of us are still not sure about, who's business is it? Why does the wording of a hymn in Singing the Living Tradition matter to him?

I have always loved "A Prairie Home Companion". I went to a live show for the first time when I was 16. I count my Saturday afternoons by the opening lines...."hear that old piano, from down the avenue..." but I'm done. He can have his pompous attitude and go find himself some snobbish Jesus who cares about the words in a hymn. I think if Jesus were here on earth today he would be way too busy working with homeless teens and teaching children about hope and love to be bothered. A lowercase "c" christian--the religion of Jesus, not about Jesus.

OK, no more UU Growth Blog, I'm sticking with the lovely and inspirational writings of Boston Unitarian and B.U's new blog A Wonderful Epoch until AFTER Christmas. And right this minute I'm going to go sing "Silent Night" and make up all new words. Ha.

Gen X Feminist?

I was raised by a feminist, a new feminist just figuring out what this all meant; liberation, equal rights and yes, freedom. My mother was always a champion of the underdog and the oppressed, she still is with her work at the VA pushing vets to and from appointments and her work at the local food shelf/services agency. But when I was a little girl this Women's Movement was all new. It was the 70s. Mothers were leaving the house and the kitchen and headed out into the work force. My grandmother had run a small daycare center in inner city Minneapolis for 20 years, and my mother took it into 10 more years of growth and expansion. By the time I remember being there it was full of kids, lots of kids. White kids, black kids, Native American kids, Egyptian kids, blind kids, kids with CP, kids who sometimes spent the weekends with us because their single mom needed a break--it was kind of a daycare center/social outreach program. But it was clearly a daycare center where kids were dropped off at 6am and were picked up at 6pm.

As I grew up, the expectation was that you left your children. Not from my family of origin, but from society. "Delay getting married, having children. Focus on career, advancement, freedom. Don't let a family hold you back, bring you down. Your children will be fine in day care, after school care, fine!"

I took a Women's Studies class at 23 and when they asked the people who identified as feminists to stand, I sat. Most of us did. I had been married for three years. I was yearning for a family, for children. Some people feel called to the ministry, I felt called to be a mother. The two female instructors, "baby boomers", were furious. "Why? Why don't you call yourself feminists?" We had clearly expressed opinions and beliefs in our discussions and writings that would lead them to believe that we were feminists. But I felt absolutely abandonded by the movement.

Where was the advocacy for women who wanted to be home and raise a family? Social Security benefits? Health care?

I was, infact, pregnant during that class. I highly recommend that everyone announce a pregnancy in a Women's Studies class, I was celebrated with joy and delight! I had my oldest son at 24 in 1991. And until I was in my mid 30s I didn't even realize that other people felt like I did, like feminists who had been left on the road, shunned by the movement because of our choices.

Now I'm old enough to realize that the "male" way was the only model available to those early women fighting for equal rights. To them equal meant to be like men, out in the work force, leaving family behind for long stretches of the day. But for some of us, nothing is further from the truth. Our highest aspirations are realized in raising children. Many Gen-Xers bought the line that you have to go to work, have to leave your babies in daycare, you have to go work in the world, all these women before you worked so hard to get you here, don't let them down.

Some of us, some Gen Xers knew that it was just wrong for us. Some of us know in the depth of our soul that it is an act of extreme feminine power to trust your partner to support you finincially while you give all your power, creativity, heart and mind to the art of Mothering. Some of us painfully stayed seated when the women who identify as "feminist" were asked to stand. If the choice was follow heart and soul or hold the label, well....I had no choice, if mothering the way I chose made me lose my "feminist" card, well so be it.

I have never regretted it, not for one nanosecond. I can see that what the Women's movement needs is some of the Gen X "early adopter" mothers who stayed home and still identify as feminists to come join the movement and speak their truth out loud. We have felt marginalized. No one is going to come re-claim us. We have to go re-claim them.

Now you can never really know what is in someone's heart, but I wonder if this is what's really at the root of the misunderstanding going on with some of our UU women. When I read this blog by CaliforniaGirlinMassachusets, I heard her anger. But I understand the back story in a way that no one but "stay-at-home-mother, life-long-UUs" can. Yes, all 12 of us! I understand.

The most important things

There have been some interesting conversations zooming around UUCyberland. Class! Entitlement! Radical Hospitality! And how do we all, we funky, broken, well intentioned lovely humans do this? This living in community without hurting each other?

Oh my, if you think I have the answer you really better hit the back button and go on to the next blog. I don't.

I do know that in our quest to be a deep, spiritually meaningful religion we sometimes look for validation in places that feel real and solid, like rock under our feet.

I think this is part of our focus on Transylvania "See? We're not some fru-fru, fly-by-night religion!" No we're not, and yes we have beautiful roots and they do not justify our existence, we don't need justification. We're fine as is.

This could be where our focus on credentials and labels and degrees comes from as well. Education, of course, is very important, and no I do not want an under educated physician. But some of the wisest folks I know have almost no formal education. They listen to their hearts and to the wind and to the person sitting in front of them. We Unitarian Universalists may just be trying to prove that we really are a worthy group, "See all our degrees? All our labels? See who we are? See? We must be OK. We have letters!"

No. As Mister Rogers would say "they're just beside you".

For years at the General Assembly of the Unitarian Universalist Association ministers would have a box to check to add "Rev." to their name tag, but Religious Educators would have to enter their name as "Joe Blow, DRE" to have the appropriate title displayed on their name tag. Last year, or maybe the year before they added a box for us, although not all our combinations and permutations (LRE, DFM, DLRE, etc...).

Maybe as step one this year at G.A. we could all just be "Joe Blow." Person. Unitarian Universalst. Body and Soul.

Mea Culpa--the presidental candidates are not what I said they were....

I was wrong. I totally admit it. Yesterday, I said that the reason Peter Morales and Laurel Hallman didn't come and visit with the Religious Educators at our LREDA meeting was because they didn't want to. Yep, I was wrong. 

This morning I was having a power breakfast with the PNWD LREDA board, I was the outgoing treasurer and now I'm the gone treasurer! The minister I serve with, the wonderful Rev. Peg Morgan, was having breakfast with Peter Morales and couple of other ministers. Peg came over and told us in the most polite and lovely way that Peter thought that we may think that he and Laurel were not talking with us because of some reason in particular, but that Peter wanted us to know for sure that he was talking with the ministers because they had invited the candidates to come speak. The UUMN Board. And that he was happy to come and talk with us and hear our concerns and answer questions if we wanted him, too. 

Gosh, do I feel like an idiot. I hate when my human-ness shows. I did think that they were skipping us because they percieved us as unimportant! I was not really looking for the whole picture there, was I? Nope. 

I hate it when I get all passionate about injustice and instead it turns out that I'm just being a dolt! Thank God a big part of this religion is the whole forigive and go foward in love stuff. Yep, I need some of that today. I'm gonna stop by the candidates forum and see what they have to say. 

Sorry, Peter. Sorry, Laurel. Totally my fault. 

Now, it's off to find a way to make the blogging workshop have live internet because the "high speed" internet here is so much less than "high" at all!

Going Deeper

I love reading Doug Muder, if I knew how to make one of those facebook fan pages, I would make one for him. Funny, whip smart and his writing always just makes me stop dead in my tracks and THINK about things.

His latest blog post and article both deal with UU Lay ministry and "going deeper" as Unitarian Universalists.

Good stuff, it's important that we support our leaders and there seems to have been a lot of focus on ordained clergy in recent years. Or maybe that's just the non-ordained person persepctive. And to lead well I think you have to have a deep faith that guides your life. That depth doesn't just come to you during committee meetings and three hour classes.


Here's my issue. What seems to be the standard path to Unitarian Universalism in the discussion both with Mr. Muder and other bloggers is the understanding that all people come to this faith from someplace else, from another faith or from an unchurched life.

I found Unitarian Universalism when my parents took me to church on Sundays, right there in our rickety old dusty basement RE classroom.

Yes, it was a radically independent Fellowship in every sense of the world fellowship. No minister, political speakers, and radical hospitatlity that wrapped it's arms around all who walked through the door.

I grew up Unitarian Universalist. So did Peacebang. So did many of the younger adults in leadership at the UUA and across the continent.

What do we need to help us go "deeper" in our Unitarian Unversalsit faith?

Well, it's true, many of us grew up in small fellowships in the middle of the fellowship movement. We didn't learn anything about Unitarian or Universalist history. Our education of holy texts was more like a high school class than a theological reflection of sacred writings. Bible references in popular culture fell short on us, because we had no idea what happened in the bible. I remember spending a year learning about Islam just at the time when the first principles must have been in discussion, but we heard nothing about what our faith was doing.

So we do have a need to go deeper, we have great value in lay ministry because we understand our UU identity in a deep, familiial way. Many of the new families who visit my church have one parent who grew up UU. We can laugh about the filmstrips we saw in RE when we were kids, we chat about our lack of bible knowledge. But we understand being UU down to our toes the minute we walk in. I've changed my opening questions to families. I no longer ask "are you searching for a church home?" instead I ask "are you UUs looking for a home or are you seekers looking for a church home?". So often now, I hear "well, I grew-up UU and now I've got a child and I want to raise them as a Unitarian Universalist.

How can we be best served? We lifers? What will help us go deeper? That, I am not at all sure about.