Don't worry too much, it's just different parts of my life colliding. What? Religion and adoption and how each affects the other? Hoo boy, bring it on!
Or let me tell you what I think and feel, something more like that I guess.
Today on Harlow's Monkey, there was a link to a post from the "blog carnival" I was in this weekend (by the way; no rides OR cotton candy, I was robbed). It was this amazing kind of a list from "Peach" at "Neither Here Nor There" called 'Things I wish I'd Known"
What Jae Ran at Harlow's was struck by was the statement by Peach that her God would not have proscribed all this loss and all this pain so that she could be adopted.
Now I'm not going to speak for other people (Hey! I LOVE to try to do just that!) but I hear this! I really get this! I cannot believe in a God that would have as a part of the master plan all the pain I've had in the aftershocks of my husband's adoption. And I'm a minor player in this story! No way! This is not my God!
Yes, yes yes. I'm a strong and committed Unitarian Universalist. Our current beliefs teach us to value the inherent worth and dignity of all beings. And our history teaches us about a God of Universal salvation and the divine life of each being. My mother brought me up in our secular humanist Unitarian Universalist fellowship to be a good strong atheist. Sometimes I'm sure that she's as disappointed in my belief in some higher power as a Mormon mother would be in her daughter becoming a devout Wiccan, but she goes with it. Being a UU means you accept a lot of diverse opinions and beliefs. A LOT!
But no matter which of my life's beliefs I'm embracing, or even which of the "Great Teacher's" (that's what I call Jesus) beliefs we're talking about. None of it is supported by believing that God had a plan for a person that involved as much pain as the one transracial adoption that I'm close to has held. Really? God thought this whole thing up? I'm just not buying it.
The god of my knowledge is really just a huge glowing pile of love. Love of each other and self and our earth and our universe. Love that transcends the troubles of money and class and just powerfully bonds real people together in their real lives with real love. Abiding love. Really, how is anything more powerful than that? Nothing in my 40 some years ever has been. This love is huge! Have you ever sat in a room full of people and all focused your "god selves" in one place. Yes some people call this prayer, but whatever you call it, it's so powerful! It's so amazing! And it is so real, I've felt it.
This love-God-thing would not create the pain I've seen. It just wouldn't. Case closed.
And on a non-God note, I heard from my dear husband this morning. He called me at almost 24 hours to the minute from the time we left our home to go to the airport on Sunday. Man, getting to Korea takes a really long time. He'd been dropped off in the dark at the bus stop he needed but with no visible sign of the hotel....yes, at midnight. But he got to the hotel and checked in. He called as I was walking the little dog. And yes, he said all the right things to make me feel safe. Good job Dear Husband! You rock! He really does. You have no idea. ROCKS!
That right there is a pretty big "Thank you prayer" if I've ever heard one! Sure is.
Amen. Thank you. and oh yeah! AMEN!